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hkhan

UNITED KINGDOM
Topic initiated on Monday, April 26, 2004  -  7:39 PM Reply with quote
Home Chores


Assalamoalaykum dear sisters

hope u all r enjoying the site.
this came up today in our local studying islam circle.
there r some of us sisters who r v. particular about the fact that we shud do all our daily house work ourselves and even if we cud afford shud not take help from servants etc.
reasons being "apnay haath ki safai ki baat he kuch aur hey"(the way u clean urself no one can")
"haath key pisay huay masalay ka zaiqa he farq hota hey"
(the spices we grind ourselves taste better);
thereby spending most of our time in these things, being left with no or v. little time for activities like reading/teaching Qura'n/Sunnah, islamic manners etc., participating in religious/charity activities by meeting people/websites,etc.
we do agree that for a woman most reward is to keep her home in best state as a corner/land of peace for family but we need to balance.
spending 15 mins on shining a crystal figurine cud b spent on shining someones heart with the light of Truth;(as said by dr farhat hashmi, a renowned lady islamic scholar) if we do possess that light with Allah's blessing, whereas a helper cud do this cleaning job in return for a small amount of wage; an employment for a needy as well.
this money we give to a helper in order for ourselves to gain time to work for the the Cause of Truth will certainly b counted as spent in the way of Lord.

wud b nice to hv your opinions. thnx

henna
hkhan

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Friday, May 7, 2004  -  6:04 PM Reply with quote
message from studying islam circle discussion, uk

wherever possible sisters shud accept help in this regard to spare time for the mentioned activities.
however we believe that the central point of interest for a woman shud b her home n family and all her activities shud revolve around it.
peace n regards
hkhan

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Sunday, May 9, 2004  -  3:20 AM Reply with quote
and i remember in this regard listening to something really sensible that wen we say that 'a woman's base is her home'(aurat kaa asal maqa'm uss ka ghar hey')
it does not mean that she cannot move about anywhere else besides home.

just like if we say a scientist's base is his laboratory, it does not mean that he cannot/shud not go about anywhere else besides his lab. he will obviously leave the lab off n on to deal with his other matters in life; however his axis is the lab.

similarly a woman can go out for her needs,recreation and socializing in community for good, within the limits laid by islamic rules, but her focal point wud/shud b her home n family.(palat palat key ghar hee aaye, dil ghar mein lagaa/atkaa rahay)

(from javed ahmed ghamidi sb's lecture"islam mein aurat kaa maqa'm")

hope that helps


Edited by: hkhan on Sunday, May 09, 2004 3:32 AM
Nasreen

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Tuesday, May 11, 2004  -  11:03 PM Reply with quote
I think that we should s pend some money and hire someone for help in home chores. In this way we can save time for what you have mentioned and also somebody will find employment. Perfectionism is not good.
assalamaleikum
Nasreen Akhtar
Jhangeer Hanif

PAKISTAN
Posted - Wednesday, May 12, 2004  -  9:21 AM Reply with quote

Healing the sick is a noble profession. What if, a person, who is not a physician--which means he has not adopted the field of medical sciences as his profession and has not spent hours and hours studying and gaining practical knowledge---should hire someone to perform his duties at XYZ Company and go about in the society healing the sick?

Naheed Akhtar

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Saturday, May 15, 2004  -  4:29 AM Reply with quote
Mr. Jhangir Hanif's comment has confused me here that how is it relevant to the on going discussion about taking help for home chores? Can you please clarify it.
Salams.
Naheed Akhtar from Studying Islam Circle UK.

Edited by: naheed akhtar on Saturday, May 15, 2004 4:30 AM

Edited by: naheed akhtar on Monday, May 17, 2004 3:31 AM
Jhangeer Hanif

PAKISTAN
Posted - Monday, May 17, 2004  -  9:35 AM Reply with quote

Never intended to offend the moderator or anyone, in fact. I do not think that I will be precluded from expressing myself. Will I? Even when the moderator is a nice person.

Preaching is a very noble occupation so too is the Medical profession. Isn't it? Just as there are prerequisites for the latter, there is an immense need to possess certain requisites in case of the former. Allah has assigned different responsibilities, in the perspective of preaching, to people of different grades in the Muslim society. While the Muslim scholars has been obligated to do Indhar to their nation (i.e. on a mass level), common Muslims have been asked to perform the task of Tawasi Bil Haq waw Sabr (exhorting each other to the truth and persevarence). This latter function of the common Muslims has been described in Surah Asr. It is well evident from the words, this Surah uses, that this preaching is essentially to be in the circle of people a Muslim comes in daily contact with, hence no need to renounce your daily jobs to polish the hearts of others.

The world is so sensitive in this respect as regards other profession. For instance, a charatered accoutant cannot practice unless he has acquired necessary qualification and gained practical experience through Articles in an Audit Firm for a period of four years; he is further required to be associated with a professional body before he starts public practice; then there are ongoing courses which this professional body arranges to keep the accountants abreast and uptodate. Why all this ignored when it comes to the vocation of preaching?

StudyingIslamUK

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Monday, May 17, 2004  -  4:13 PM Reply with quote
thats wat we meant br wen we said"shudn't hv men in women's issues as they cause confusion"
but we welcome u as we know u are an islamic researcher and know more than we do

however u hv misunderstood wat we meant here

the e.g. of polishing the crystal decor was given to epitomize the extraordinary effort we put into home chores, out of balance

e.g. one of our friend has made dining chairs herself at home as well; not b/c she cud not afford them from market, but just that she fancies spending time on such

"too much sugar can make one nauseate"

we do not at all mean that women shud leave their homes dirty, food uncooked, children crying and husbands howling; and rush out for preaching

don't the h.wives go shopping, chatting with friends etc? rather we hardly find any h.wife at home here b/w 11am to 2pm (hvn't mentioned time spent with tv dramas, songs,etc. no offence. a general fact.)
and even if this preacher did not go out, she will continually b preaching, with her actions, words, smiles, watever!(donno why u call it preaching? its just conveying something u hv and which happens auto matically! u don't really hv to DO it?)

so for all extra activities we must keep in mind the preferences
and try to do something which can b a favour not just to self, but to more around us

we ought to b like sweet scented, colourful flowers
who do not care whether people hv come to the garden to see them or not
they wud continue bloomimng and continue spreading their perfumes round the clock and whether spectators surround them or not, carefree and unaware of admirations/anger/criticism/care/carefree/neglegence/ignorance/jealousies
'cause thats the way Lord made them and thats the way they chose to b;
agreeing with their Lord's plans

Thou perceivest the flowers put forth their precious odours, And none can tell how from so small a centre come such sweets, Forgetting that within that centre, Eternity expands its everduring doors william blake

wat we meant here was that we must keep our home chores up to date but must not b obsessed about them like the nation of Irum; who were busy beautifying their houses round the year 'n had no time for activities related to hereafter.

btw how do u expect them to spare time for your courses as well as a matter of fact our dear br?

pls continue to send in ur expert opinions in this regard. we listen 'n learn with due respect


salams on u/peace


Edited by: studyingislamuk on Monday, May 17, 2004 4:18 PM

Edited by: studyingislamuk on Monday, May 17, 2004 4:37 PM

Edited by: studyingislamuk on Monday, May 17, 2004 4:53 PM
Jhangeer Hanif

PAKISTAN
Posted - Wednesday, May 19, 2004  -  9:47 AM Reply with quote

Nice to have your comments.

Actually, I was aiming at clarifying the level of responsibilities with which Muslims of different grades in our society have been entrusted in the perspective of preaching.

In other words, my first concern is that Muslims should know what actually their duty is as far as Dawah is concerned. By looking at the Holy Qur'an, we know that Allah has asked of the common Muslims to perform the task of Tawasi Bil Haq waw Tawasi Bil Sabr in their immediate surrounding; they are supposed to exhort each other to the right path and persevarance.

As far as the explaination of religion and Indhar at the level of the entire society is concerned, it is the responsibility of the Scholars, people who gain Tafaqquh (intimate understanding of the religion) by studying and gaining practical knowledge over years.

Just as it is dangerous for a non-physician to practice medicine, it is of devastating nature for a person who is not a Scholar to go beyond his sphere and publicly do Indhar.

As far as this distinction is kept in perspective, there is nothing to object to. The reason I mentioned my concerns above is that some people motivate other common Muslims that the latter should go out for polishing the hearts of others. Now this is what cannot be condoned. For one reason, it is not the duty of those people who are called upon to do this and secondly they do not have the requisite skill and ability to that end.

Having said that, I fully appreciate the point that one should not be too sensitive about household activities to the detriment of learning and living a social life. I also appreciate the efforts of those who invest substantial time, out of their tight schedules, to learn their religion. But since this learning is not of the scholarly nature, they do not acquire the skills and knowledge of a scholar.
Therefore the distinction remains between the duties of common Muslims and those of the scholars. Am I right?

StudyingIslamUK

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Thursday, May 20, 2004  -  10:34 AM Reply with quote
thanx br
a reply will b sent following our next studying Islam circle as these replies are edited after group discussion and recving opinions from the members. JK
peace
StudyingIslamUK

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Wednesday, May 26, 2004  -  4:29 AM Reply with quote
thnx/j.kAllah for your opinion

we very much understand that we are/cannot take over from you all i.e. islamic scholars 'n researchers and we recognize our limits
its just an humble effort to learn from you all and other reliable sourcess of Qura'nic and the Prophetic teachings and then share/pass on to/ polishing hearts/ as many as possible within our sphere of communication

we mentioned therefore that why do u call this preaching?
you could take it as sharing a good food recipie or a fashion designing;
wat then wud b better to share than the highest Truth.
every muslim or as a matter of fact, a struggler to spread good cud b called a preacher we guess?


salams

Members @ Studying Islam Circle.Berks. UK
hkhan

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Saturday, June 5, 2004  -  9:01 PM Reply with quote
(rcvd with thnx from br ijaz latif)

Have you cleaned the house?
Is dinner ready?
Have you fed the kids?
Did you wash my clothes?


These are some of the questions that women hear, day in and day out, from
husbands who assert that wives are nothing more than servants and baby
machines. But a wife is neither.

Nevertheless, amidst busy schedules on the parts of both women and men, some
husbands forget the real reasons behind marriage and likewise the rights of
their wives. Subsequently, they deprive themselves, their mates and their
children of the happiness and tranquility that is the bedrock of a
successful family. This unbalanced vision towards a couple's ideal
relationship is bad enough to plunge the family into a situation laden with
troubles and worries.

Even among religious families, you will find some husbands who still do not
have a proper understanding of rights of their wives, nor a clear vision of
the intended relationship between a married couple.

It is both painful and distressing to see a Muslim husband practicing
Allah's orders on the one hand, but forgetting to follow His guidance
regarding how to treat his wife. Outside the home he is kind, patient and
smiling. But, as soon as he returns home, the smiling face becomes angry and
sad and the kindness and gentleness turn into nervousness and adversity . He
starts shouting and screaming his orders at his wife.

He forgets that although he faces many challenges and pressures outside the
house, his wife can also be overwhelmed with the housework and her
responsibilities to the children.

He forgets that she also needs rest after a long day of working . Although
his duty is to work outside the house and to provide for his family, a
wife's role inside the house is not any less important. On the contrary, her
role is often more important as she is the one charged with raising the
children and guarding the family.

We often see this scenario: A wife feels tired and asks her husband to help
her with the cleaning, washing or cooking. He refuses , as though it is
shameful for a man to help his wife. Doesn't he know that Prophet Mohammad
(SAW), the most beloved person to Allah (SWT), helped his wives with the
housework? Doesn't he know that Omar Ibn al-Khattab provided recipes to a
group of women in order to teach them how to cook? Could Omar teach others
if he himself did not know how to cook?

No husband, regardless of how much work he has, can ever be busier than our
Prophet (SAW) whose duty it was to spread Islam. Likewise, no one is busier
than Omar who had to bear the responsibility of a Khalifah.

It shocks me to hear that some wives have never heard a loving or
appreciative word from their husbands. When asked about the person he loved
the most, the Prophet (SAW) did not hesitate to name his wife, A'ishah.
Thus, he declared very clearly, that a husband should not be ashamed of
loving his wife or even of declaring that love in front of other people.

It is also painful to hear that some husbands do not speak to their wives or
spend time with their families , under the pretenses of a busy schedule and
da'wa work.
Raffia

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Monday, June 14, 2004  -  10:31 PM Reply with quote
House Hold Chores

Asalaamu Alaykum everyone,

For the short period of time that I've been married thusfar I feel I have learnt so much, especially in light of the Qur'an and Sunnah. For a young Muslim Sister in the UK who has a full-time profession, seeks Islamic knowledge and helps the community in whichever way I can, finding time for household chores can be difficult.

However, from what little Islamic knowledge I do have I know that Allah has given us an answer for every question.

Let us turn to history and see what the daughter of our beloved Prophet (saw) did when household chores became too much for her. Her hands were sore from grinding flour and when she learned that the Muslims had acquired a huge booty she was sent by Ali (ra) to request from her father (saw) a servant to assist with household chores. No matter what we may think of our lives today, nothing could have been more hard work than propagating the Islamic message at the time of the Prophet (saw). So if anyone deserved a servant it would have been the daughter of the Prophet (saw). However, the Prophet (saw) gave Fatima (ra) something much more precious than a servant and that is Tasbeeh Fatami. If we recite Subhan'allah 33 times, Alhamdulillah 33 times and AllahuAkbar 34 times Allah will assist us and what greater assistance than Allah's?

So, although household chores may seem hard work and the thought of getting a servant so we can learn more Islam may seem an attractive idea, the truth is there is much reward in doing your own housework. If you can create the mess then you can clean it up. Sisters, it is time to realise that shaytaan will trick us at every level.

When we are rewarded for even picking up a little rubbish from the floors of our houses, why then are we wanting to employ someone else to take away that reward?

Let us follow the example of the daughter of the prophet (saw) and do household chores with our hands not because we think we can do it better but because we want to please Allah and have the best of abodes in the Hereafter.

Wasalaam
Your dearest Sister in Islam
Raffia
hkhan

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Tuesday, June 15, 2004  -  3:42 AM Reply with quote
many thnx for ur inspiring posting sr and may Allah help us to balance out as per circumstances
amen
regards
suecornish

USA
Posted - Friday, June 25, 2004  -  4:07 AM Reply with quote
Assalam Alakum, sisters.
I have been reading your postings and decided to add my humble thoughts.
I work 40 to 44 hours a week at a high stress government job. I am the wage earner in the family as my husband is disabled. The last thing I want to do when I get home is clean or cook. Even though my husband tries to have dinner cooked for me the rest of the household chores fall to me. (There is just the two of us.)
I can truthfully say that if I was to hire someone to clean my house that I would have to clean if first so I wouldn't be embarrassed by the day to day mess. Knowing this, most of my cleaning is on the weekends.
Doing dishes can be very restfull and rewarding because you get to think about all the blessings you have been given by Allah .... and you get clean hands. During laundry I listen to various cd's such as Josuf Islam and learn more about Islam. At the end of the weekend there is a sense of accomplishment in knowing that I was able to rely on Allah and his gifts to do what needed to be done.
In the right frame of mind we can do Allah's work in everything we do. Our actions speaks a million words. I was drawn to Islam by getting aquainted with a younger muslim girl when I went to college. She was 20 and I was 40. Her quiet, self-assured manner, her maturity, her soft voice and her confidence showed me someone at a point in their life that I wish I could be at and she was half my age. No preaching. One day she asked me if I would like a copy of the Qur'an and gave me one. That was all she did but she influenced me and several years later I professed and now I am covered. Allah works through you in whatever you do, not just preaching.
Jhangeer Hanif

PAKISTAN
Posted - Friday, June 25, 2004  -  6:12 AM Reply with quote

Yeah. Islam spreads through a message delivered by our serene and composed life, a life integrated with the dynamic concept of the Hereafter. Frenzied speeches and preaching has a very little contribution.


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