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Sexual Intimacy prior to Bridal Departure ( Rukhsati )
Question asked by Naomi Carol Peters.
Posted on: Wednesday, May 16, 2007 - Hits: 901

Question:
I have recently shifted to Jordan and have had my nikah . Due to some financial reasons my 'rukhs ati' (shifting to my husband's house) cannot take place till the end of next year. My husband wants to have a marital relationship with me now. At first, I refused but then he got very angry at me and said that we are after all married according to the command of Allah and not committing a sin so I obliged him knowing that Allah had told wives to obey their husbands. We did not have sex and I am still a virgin but to an extent we did things that only married people would do. Someone told me that it was illegal to indulge in such an act prior to shifting to the house of the husband. If I do not oblige my husband, he gets offended and I have the threat that he will go to some other woman. So please tell me if it is wrong or not? I intend to be a virgin till I shift with him. If it is wrong, then what should I do about my husband's anger because he insists?

Answer:
Nikah renders both of you legally husband and wife. This entails two things. First, you both have legal right to live together and establish marital relationship. Second, you both have some responsibilities towards each other.

The marital relationship in the present situation cannot be objected to on legal grounds. In other words, you would not be sinning in the eyes of the Shari'ah if you have a physical relationship with him. The issue here is related more to the social norms and customs of most Muslim societies which would typically not accept this situation. If it comes to know this kind of relationship between you both, it is bound to react strongly. Therefore, I would suggest that you to talk to your husband on the matter of social norms. It is in fact the society which accepts your being husband and wife not for its own benefit rather it makes sure that any of the party does not neglect their duties. If such a couple has a sexual relationship and the woman gets pregnant, it would also harm her repute. In some cases, the husband would prefer this situation as it relieves him of his responsibilities.

You should thus try to convince your husband that such a thing is not socially acceptable. He should try to bring you over as soon as possible.

regards

Tariq Mahmood Hashmi
Research Assistant, Studying Islam

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