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Naheed Akhtar

Topic initiated on Saturday, May 15, 2004  -  4:52 AM Reply with quote
How do I control My Anger?

"Equally, we should not bottle up our emotions. We must devise ways to express what we feel in an appropriate manner."

Yes this looks a reasonable way from previous discussion on anger management. But I think in order to achieve this one must be extrovert, humble and able to intimate easily with others to express and admit boldly what one feels.Introvert and selcentered person with false ego will always find it difficult to socialize and be open to others,finding difficult to adapt friendly and intermingling manners. He understandably will react badly and angrily to attitudes which may be strange for him due to close and allergic attitude to fellow human beings.
May God guide us.

Edited by: naheed akhtar on Saturday, May 15, 2004 4:53 AM

Edited by: naheed akhtar on Saturday, May 15, 2004 4:58 AM

Posted - Saturday, May 15, 2004  -  5:30 AM Reply with quote

yeah, i'd agree with the "not bottling up your emotions" thing - speaking to someone who u know will understand (eg close friends, family etc) really does help relieve a lot of the stress.. but maybe your referring to having a lack of patience in social situations (when u dont have close friends around) - that's one thing which doesn't come easily.. but thinking things through beforehand and reflecting on events afterwards does help in gradually building up that patient personality and knowing what to say and when... (it's quite late where i am now - and i'm essentially typing the first thing that's coming into my head.. so, apologies if the above doesnt make much sense)

May Allah have mercy upon us

Posted - Friday, May 21, 2004  -  1:56 PM Reply with quote
Salam alaikum,
my respond what concerns anger:

I think it's possible for every true muslim (mu'min) not to commit sin for God had created us with a free will and had warned us through his prophets not to commit sin but only to concentrate on the true service (tauhid). But it's difficult, I know it also from myself. But the solution is in the love. Let me explain:
On the one hand - that I love the other one, than it's difficult to have hate if I really love somebody (this I've learned from the prophet Jesus, I've read the Injil and it made me thinking and since this time I can handle loving the others truely...)
One the other hand I think we shall help each other on the way with and to our God. I mean, it shouldn't be easy and possible not to have anger only for some characters (extroverted ...),
but we shall help the introverted to express themselves and learn from the extroverted and visaversa.
I have to admit that this understanding of brotherhood which I discribed I also have learned from the Injil. It's only a pitty that nowadays the so-called christians arent really christians otherwise I think we muslims would be in unity with them, but with their false teaching that Jesus had to die in order to pay for our sins - with this paganism a real muslim cannot agree. But the Injil in itself I find helpful.
But what do you think?? How do you think we can handly with anger and other things which aren't good?
I have joy to get your advice, please write to theophilus@gmx.net for I don't have so often the possibility to read in the forum.
(this means friend of God)

Posted - Friday, May 21, 2004  -  4:16 PM Reply with quote
christians don't only see jesus as having had to die for our sins but also that he is the son of God. Unity is no longer possible because they don't agree on one thing; the oness of God. Their books have changed with the admittance of their priests this is actually common knowledge in christianity.
love and brotherhood are not only in christianity but in the three religions. But if you are a muslim then you make your point of reference the Quran and not the Injil, because the Injil is no longer of God but of man. Furthermore, christianity has no legestlation that acutally shows you the guidelines of healthy love and relations. It is a doctrine of sentiments. The quran on the other hand has laws and regulations. and one of its laws is not to follow those who take partners to Allah, and the christians not only take one but three.
This does not mean be violent, and isolationists, no. It would be against islam to do so.

Posted - Friday, October 15, 2004  -  9:33 PM Reply with quote
This article deals not only with an ordinary but also all types of anger. Do know about this very important expression. It may help those who need, Insha’allah
Anger is involuntary and unlike laughter it is one of the expressions showing internal state of unsatisfaction or unhappiness. The extreme may lead to weeping and unfortunately suicide also. Anger in not always abnormal but is normal within the psychological limits (norms) and abnormal beyond the limits. The anger is labelled an abnormal only when the sensible people around will notify the behaviour that is not acceptable according to the circumstances otherwise it is considered as normal.
The common cause of anger due to some negligible circumstances, is some complex, usually an inferiority complex or frustration, for which the individual tries to compensate reflexly (involuntarily) to overcome. It is not essential that the anger is always related to the situation of that complex. Sometimes the anger is one of the features of some underlying psychiatric disorder like sever anxiety, depression, psychotic disorders and some organic diseases like, all most all the chronic and some acute illnesses also.
The after effects of anger are tiredness, weakness, impaired memory, intelligence, concentration and lack of confidence, skin changes affecting the freshness, sunken eyes with blackening around, gastrointestinal disturbances, sexual disturbances, high blood pressure leading to heart attack, heart failure, renal/kidney failure, visual disturbances, paralysis and many other serious complications. So anger does affect every part of the body from head to toe. The social effects vary from a small disliking to, being behind the bars. Our religion condemns anger strictly and does want us to be sick physically, mentally as well as socially.
It must be remembered that main factor in promotion of Islam is the only one that is “control of anger” e.g. Holy Prophet, Muhammad (peace be upon him) was abused, hurt, dirty material was thrown on him but he had No anger at all, the enemy of Hazrat Ali (Ra) spat on his face but he too had No anger. There are many other similar examples. This great greatness was “No anger” due to which “Kuffar” could not control themselves and joined Islam and became great too to such an extent that some of them were given the certificate of paradise in their lives, Allah-ho-Akbar.
The normal anger can be only be controlled effectively by adapting the different Quranic verses like 2-Baqra, 112, 152, 153,177 and 39-Zumur, 10 and Ahadith like “ Among you, brave is one who controls one’s anger” because the external environment will be beautiful only when the internal environment is so. There is no such remedy other than Quran and Ahadith, which can effectively change the internal environment. The other methods are self-control, to be busy in some light work and specially use of plenty of fluids to wash the metabolites of the neurotransmitters responsible for anger. It must be remembered that always avoid to take the fluids, solids or gases, which are brain stimulants like strong tea, coffee, pepsi, coca-cola, smoking and appetite/hunger suppressants etc. It must be remembered that a non-smoker, near a smoker is equally rather more affected in the short term because one has no adaptation to withstand and a small dose of the smoke (nicotine) in a non-smoker may cause the same consequences as the heavy dose in the smoker. On the other hand God as well as His people dislike foul smell from the mouth of the smoker and this may add more to aggravate the anger. Therefore Holy Prophet, Muhammad (peace be upon him) had forbidden the person, having eaten a raw onion, to mosque and I think that when this order is for a “Halal” thing then what about the smoking which is a bad thing? In contrast, application of fragrance has the apposite effects i.e. beneficial effects on anger and we are ordered to do so specially at the places of gathering e.g. mosques. Try to avoid the places having the bad effect on anger and all those places, which seem to alleviate the anger but forbidden by Islam. So “Anger must not be treated at the cost of anger of God”.
In case of abnormal anger there are other feature also which help to reach the diagnosis. This type of anger needs psychotherapy as mentioned above as well as the drug treatment under the supervision of the psychiatrist. It must be remembered that depression and anxiety are two different conditions. It is very important to differentiate between these two because the treatment is entirely different e.g. in a case of depression if the treatment of anxiety is given, the depression will become worse hence resulting in aggravation of the anger, if present.
In case of the acute or chronic physical diseases, the relevant practitioner/specialist must be consulted.
It must be remembered that what ever is the cause, anger can only be effectively treated in addition, by removing the cause otherwise it may lead a lot of disturbances throughout the life and the possibilities of any misfortune can not be excluded.
It must also be remembered again that the angry person must not be handled in the same way and a piece of pity may reverse to all the satisfaction and happiness otherwise the person must never be relied and left alone to avoid some unfavourable incidence. It is an emergency, which may need some sort of help.
Why an angry person must be taken as serious? It is explained that as much as the consequences might be serious and repenting although having a very low incidence, the care or the preventive measures are strict as much e.g. if some one is dead sure that the snake is dead even then, it’s one’s folly to go near that because the assessment may be wrong resulting in even one’s death. Now there will be no more than to cry over the spilt milk.
No doubt, all attributes are to God but we have been ordered to struggle and leaving the results to God. The compliance is mandatory. Therefore it is said, “God helps those who help themselves”.
May Allah help and forgive us, Aameen!
Dr. Akhlaq

Posted - Saturday, October 16, 2004  -  4:17 PM Reply with quote
i either scream into my pillow or i draw pictures representing how i feel.

i askd this question a very long time ago! the forum is probabli stil around here somewhere :P there was loadsa grrrrrrrrrrreat advice so you should chek it out.

Ramadhan Mubarak.

Posted - Monday, October 18, 2004  -  12:51 AM Reply with quote
Thank you bas,
This “How to control anger” is for every one including me, and for all those who scream not only into the pillow but land also. The screaming waked up your forum initiated, which had been dormant since a very long time.
No dormancy with No screaming now, Insha’allah. Look other forums also.
“Haquq-ul-Ibad” (Human rights) also demand to give response to someone who has been asked for some answer. This is also answerable at the “Day of the judgement” and this does not mean exclusively to me but in general because the purpose of all this is to share and promote the knowledge of Islam and to please almighty Allah mighty. So I availed the opportunity to point out this very important neglected issue at this site. It must be remembered that “Haquq-ul-Ibad” are more difficult to compensate than “Haququllah”(Allah’s rights) and this is very important to escape from the negative balance at the “The Day of Judgement”.
May Allah help and forgive us, Aameen!

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