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Topic initiated on Thursday, October 6, 2011  -  6:20 PM Reply with quote
Anger issues

Asalaam Alaiykum,

I am new on this website and I am trying to become a better muslim and to teach my children the teaching of Muhammed (PBUH). But firstly I need to make myself a better person. I am very ashamed to admit as a women I am unable to control my anger. It's better than before as I am learning how to control it but I need to do more. Is there anyone who can help me? and also to be a better wife and to be more calmer because my husband gets the worst of it and Mashallah I am blessed with a very calm man who tolerates me but I need to keep calm under any circumstances. Please do not judge me and don't give me any negative responses I need some form of good advice and support. Any good feedback wil be welcomed. Thank you in advance.

Posted - Sunday, October 9, 2011  -  3:53 PM Reply with quote
is there anyone out there who can give me some guidance on how to control my temper????????

Posted - Monday, October 10, 2011  -  10:45 AM Reply with quote
Salam, a very warm welcome to the forums. We must all strive to become good Muslims and to get over or correct our faults, I will let you know some duas soon but meanwhile why don't you try a few of theses "People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside."
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."

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