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Loveall

PAKISTAN
Topic initiated on Saturday, June 10, 2006  -  2:25 PM Reply with quote
Sexual Behaviour?


Assalamu Alaikum,

If, a woman COMPLAINS, “My husband does aggressive sex with me”, should she be satisfied by saying that it’s a normal behaviour of her husband and he has the right, given by the Shareeha, to do? On the basis of such behaviour of her husband, does she have the RIGHT to go to the court for “Khulah” or she is inviting the anger of God? And despite the DIFFICULTY, if she doesn’t complain at all (due to some reasons), would it be considered as absolutely flawless?

What is the decision of the Shareeha and if silent, what do the scholars say?

Wassalaam!
marwan

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Saturday, June 10, 2006  -  7:45 PM Reply with quote
Salaam,

For this woman...

I believe we can get Qur'anic guidance on this issue.

The following general guidelines must be adhered to always in a marriage.

“And among His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find comfort and repose in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (30:21)

• Allah has indeed created man and woman to be the natural counterparts of the other, they are natural companions.

• Allah has destined that we will find comfort and repose with one another.

• Finally Allah tells us that he has put love and compassion between husbands and wives.

An important aspect in marriage is that the physical, emotional and mental bonding and companionship must be firmly based upon Islam, love and compassion, only then can husband and wife truly find comfort in one another.

From this position alone, you have grounds to request your husband be more gentle with you, as he is now taking away your RIGHT to comfort and compassion for the sake of unneccesarily rough intercourse.

He cannot take away your right for something which is not his right, namely roughness and inconsideration.

He should aim to please you in intercourse as he would seek to please himself as this is a mutual obligation: -

“On the night of the fast it is lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives. They are clothing/covering (libaas) for you and you for them….” (2:187)

• Libaas is used for the covering term above, in this context it would seem to imply intimacy and closeness, concealment of faults, confidentiality and an adornment for one another. We act as a covering and protection for each other from fornication and any other such danger by sexually fulfilling one another.

It is clear that we must seek to sexually fulfil each other whenever needed in order to remove that need or want from one another, in this way we can help one another.

to be complete...

“It is He Who created you from a single self and made from him his spouse so that he might find rest in her/dwell with her. Then when he covered her she bore a light load and carried it around. Then when it became heavy they called on Allah, their Lord, ‘If You grant us a healthy child, we will be among the thankful!’” (7:189)

• The husband should find rest and tranquillity in his wife.

You should seek to be a source of calm and rest for your husband.

It is clear that husband and wife must seek to sexually fulfil each other whenever needed in order to remove that need or want from one another, in this way husband and wife can help one another.

“Your women are fertile fields for you, so come to your fertile fields however you like. Send good ahead for yourselves and have fear of Allah. Know that you are going to meet Him. And give good news to the believers.” (2:223)

This analogy indicates a few things: -

• The fertile field analogy can be taken to imply that intercourse should be vaginal in nature, as it is only through this kind of intercourse that one may ‘sow the seed’ in the ‘fertile field’. This makes no statement on other non-intercourse based sexual acts.

• It also implies that there are options in whether to sow or not as with any ‘field’.

• It implies that we can have sexual intercourse any way (position) we like.

• We are reminded that we must send good before us and fear Allah and know that we will meet him. This acting to purify man’s (at least) intensions with his wife in sexual intercourse.

The wife should be receptive to her husband and his needs, and the husband should remember Allah to purify his mind before intercourse.

I think it is obvious that men have much stronger sexual appetites in general, which is why it is important for wives to try and be accomodating to the extent that they can, while still demanding their rights to compassion, care and love.

If he must be rough with you in intercourse, then this is HIS problem which he cannot inflict on you, and if he takes away your pleasure and (as is possible) gets rougher in the future... you may have to take proceedings against him or get him to get psychological help.

But first ask him to be more gentle with you and be gentle but firm in suggesting this. Demand your right.

Edited by: marwan on Saturday, June 10, 2006 7:46 PM
oosman

USA
Posted - Sunday, June 11, 2006  -  2:58 PM Reply with quote
I dont see why she cant get a divorce if the man is doing zulm on her. There is no place for zulm in our religion.
student1

PAKISTAN
Posted - Sunday, July 02, 2006  -  7:10 AM Reply with quote

Asalam Aalaikum,

Wife is a gift for a husband and this gift should not be misused in any way.
Their are some husbands who might go against the will of their wives but they should know that it is neither encouraged by Islam neither by any human rights organization.

I think the matter is not that serious that a wife should take divorce and it should be settled in the best way that is possible.

Aggressivness is bad in any matter whether it is a matter of sexual intercourse, interaction with different people or business dealings.

Aggressivness might be in the nature of a person but the problem is that nature cannot be changed but habbit can be changed.

Regards,
perv1

UNITED KINGDOM
Posted - Monday, July 03, 2006  -  6:54 PM Reply with quote
Salaam

There is no scope for abuse in Islam either within marriage or outside it. It should be not tolerated full stop. The reaction/punishment should depend on degree and if a relationship is constantly an abusive one as a result of either party then there is no basis for this relationship.

quote:

Wife is a gift for a husband and this gift should not be misused in any way.


Wife is not a toy or a parcel. she is a human being in her own right. She is not there to be used either. She is an individual human being who deserves respect and dignity like any other human being. The sex and marriage status is irrelvent. Please stop using words such as GIFT, MISUSE etc. You might think they are polite which they certainly are not. They convey a mind of society where women are thought of second class citizen whose sole purpose is to serve men. After all why do we give gifts to people.
regards
Zulfee

USA
Posted - Thursday, July 06, 2006  -  2:08 PM Reply with quote
You said: Wife is a gift for a husband and this gift should not be misused in any way.

What a nonsense comment by the illiterate Muslim is!!!!!!!!
student1

PAKISTAN
Posted - Saturday, July 08, 2006  -  9:15 AM Reply with quote

Asalam Aalaikum,

When people donot try to understand other person then they pass these kinds of baseless comments.
Do you even know what is the meaning of Illiterate muslim? Alhamdulilah I am a much better muslim especially better then those secterian and extremist muslims who donot even know the basics and ethics of Islam.
When I said that a wife is a gift I donot mean to say that it should be misused and a gift if you see in reality is not miss used but is kept in a best condition as possible.
Have not you recieved any gift in your life?
May Allah(swt) open up your narrow minds.

Thank you for your cheap comments against me. Inspite of living in USA, you are so intolerant.

Regards,
student1

PAKISTAN
Posted - Saturday, July 08, 2006  -  9:20 AM Reply with quote
quote:

You said: Wife is a gift for a husband and this gift should not be misused in any way.

What a nonsense comment by the illiterate Muslim is!!!!!!!!


Dear ignorant brother,

Before passing out baseless comments against me, you should realize what I am saying. Don't you have manners of talking.

Calling me Illiterate muslim, Alhamdulilah from the strenght of Allah(swt) I have convinced many non-muslims about Islam and removed their misconceptions about Islam and you call me illiterate muslims.
I am not knowledgable and experienced like Islamic Scholars, I am just a student but alhamdulilah I am better than those illiterate muslims who create misconceptions about Islam who still believe that Islam was spread by sword.
I have never hurt any ones feelings in my life and unfortunately people hurt my feelings, and you call me illiterate muslim.

I would like the moderator of this forum to please step forward and educate narrow minded people like these otherwise I'll leave this forum forever.

Regards,
Roswell

PAKISTAN
Posted - Saturday, July 08, 2006  -  3:28 PM Reply with quote
Wife is a gift for a husband and this gift should not be misused in any way.

What I understand from above statement is, Husband and Wife are blessings for each other. Each of them should be aware and take care of each other rights.
student1

PAKISTAN
Posted - Saturday, July 08, 2006  -  4:32 PM Reply with quote
Asalam Aalaikum,

Brother Rosewell,

Thanks for understanding me, you accurately struck what I meant. Thanks once again and I hope that others will also understand the same way you understood.

Regards,
Zulfee

USA
Posted - Saturday, July 08, 2006  -  6:25 PM Reply with quote
Student 1

You said: Do you even know what is the meaning of Illiterate muslim? Alhamdulilah I am a much better muslim especially better then those secterian and extremist muslims who donot even know the basics and ethics of Islam.


NO SELF-RECOMMENDATION! ONLY IGNORANTS LIKE YOU DO THAT


According to Quran you are a Mushrik!
Nida_e_Khair

PAKISTAN
Posted - Sunday, July 09, 2006  -  4:40 AM Reply with quote
quote:

Student 1

You said: Do you even know what is the meaning of Illiterate muslim? Alhamdulilah I am a much better muslim especially better then those secterian and extremist muslims who donot even know the basics and ethics of Islam.


NO SELF-RECOMMENDATION! ONLY IGNORANTS LIKE YOU DO THAT


According to Quran you are a Mushrik!


Mr. silly Zulfee! I agree that self-recommendation has no place in Islam, and maybe student1 was really being too possessive or something, BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT AT ALL TO JUDGE HIM BECAUSE YOU CERTAINLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT HIS INTENTIONS ARE! Besides, student1 first said "Alhamdulillah" before 'self-recommendation' as you say. So firstly, no self-recommending or proud person would praise Allah. And secondly, if a person who praises Allah is a Mushrik according to you, then you better consider as to what you are.
Nida_e_Khair

PAKISTAN
Posted - Sunday, July 09, 2006  -  4:48 AM Reply with quote
I would really really recommend student1 to have patience. I think Zulfee is trying to exploit him because of that (Allah knows his intentions). I would recommend student1 not to get so pissed if ignorant people like Zulfee try to provoke him. Discretion is the better part of valour. Cheer up student1 ! Please stop getting so hyper.
Zulfee

USA
Posted - Sunday, July 09, 2006  -  7:22 AM Reply with quote
Student 1 has no potential to cheer up!
Zulfee

USA
Posted - Sunday, July 09, 2006  -  7:22 AM Reply with quote
Student 1 has no potential to cheer up!
Zulfee

USA
Posted - Sunday, July 09, 2006  -  7:22 AM Reply with quote
Student 1 has no potential to cheer up!

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