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SananK

USA
Topic initiated on Wednesday, August 03, 2005  -  4:22 PM Reply with quote
Does it depend on your Ethnicity?


SananK

USA Topic initiated on Thursday, July 21, 2005 - 12:35 AM
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Does it depend on your Ethnicity?


Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters. I come from dual family backgrounds. My father being a Pakistani and my mother being an Arab. I have a hard time being accepted by both of my cultures I have noticed and it upsets me. I find myself trapped most of the times due to my mixed background. A little history, I was born in Pakistan, then moved to Saudi Arabia when I was around 2 years of age. My father was having a hard time settling down there as he was not allowed citizenship and was having a hard time with jobs because he wasn't an Arab. The government down there didn't even allow me to obtain citizenship as well. Only my mom had it. I was only 2 years at the time. So my family decided to move to USA for a possible better life due to our situation and to raise me here. So time went on and I grew up in USA.

I do not know what the reasons are behind Saudi Arabia not to allow citizenship to people of non arab blood? That is wrong or no it is a right thing to do? I thought we are all brothers, where is the brotherhood there? If we arent blood related at least we are related in another way right? I have half the blood in me through my mom but it wasn't good enough because of my father's ethnic background. MashAllah my father can speak fluent Arabic as well but he wasnt granted it either way.
If that's not bad enough then this is another thing I had to go through. There were some people in my family that were married to cousins. I mean I wasn't interested in doing it really but there was a request for marriage to my mom's niece (my cousin) and it was denied by the father (uncle). The reason the father denied me because he said I wasn't an Arab and he clearly stated it to my mother in anger. My mom's sister didnt really say much about it but my uncle acted in anger to such a request. Like I am not capable of marriage because I am mixed or something. He even told my mom she shouldnt dare let me marry any Arab girl as advice. The funny thing is though, he asked a Pakistani man (his friend) in a Masjid for his daughters hand for his son (MY UNCLE'S SON). And it succeeded going through and they will be marrying in few months inshAllah. I didn't lack anything, I didnt lack a job, I didn't lack an education, I try to stay strong as much as I can, I go to lectures, I try to seek knowledge, so what was wrong with me that I was not an acceptable candidate for marriage? Because I didn't carry the full bloodline good enough for his daughter? That is just one thing, then we have events that happen. Some cultural activities, my cousins don't want to even invite me and leave me hanging from both sides actually. Well I have been to few Pakistani ones I guess because my dad got upset and he demanded why no one would invite his son, but my mother's side left her hanging and said basically "whatever" when she asked for me to be a part of it. My mom's sisters feel my mom's pain I guess, but the husbands try to control the situation. But people talk to me with a smile and call me brother but behind my back they say dont bring him or invite him sometimes during functions or certain activities. Even playing sports, I ended up playing basketball with my friends from school because some family members would be busy playing together. I do come from a decent size family mashAllah. But for some reason it gives me a feeling that I am not welcome.
Like something happened about 3 months ago. I guess some girl my mother knew was trying to get to know me possibly for marriage. So she asked my mother about me and I responded through my mother. The girl was Pakistani. My parents, they were happy and I was a little too because I think I am ready. Her brother found out and he doesnt allow her to talk to us anymore and her parents got upset. And when I asked my mother why do you think he did that? My mom said the girl told her because my mom wasn't Pakistani and I happened to be a mix. So I don't know what is going on. If I am told in Islam I can marry anyone as long as they are a Muslim, why do people make it hard? Why do I have a hard time being accepted. But these are just 2 of the proposals. There were like 3 more after that to people we knew but yet they werent comfortable with the idea. 3 other fathers, 2 Arab and another Pakistani said no to me.

Sometimes I find it my Pakistani culture accepts me more the my Arab culture.

All I can say is one thing. I don't think no one is better then nobody else, no ethnic background superior to another. "No Arab is superior to a non arab" . Nothing. We are all equal. So why do people keep me at a friendship distance level, and those same people I can think as friends can not think of me as family? Both cultures of mine. Is there an answer? Should I really care? Both my parents love me because I am their son. They do not care of what ethnic background I am. But should I care about this at all? The one culture that accepts me right now is honestly Hispanic culture because I guess I look like one of them like I am mistaken for. Is this my answer? Forget both and stick to a race I am easily accepted in nowadays? Allah s.w.t. created the way I am I believe for a reason. I mean even a cute little pet (kitten/bird/whatever) can be accepted insides someone home and talk to and treated in the best manner. But when it comes to a human being with 2 bloodlines, it an issue to raise an eyebrow about. If anyone can give me advice on how to handle such a situation in an Islamic manner that would be great. Thanks for taking your time to read. Jazzakhallah.

Assalamu Alaikum

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Islam does allow you to marry anyone with their consent without distinction of color or caste. However, we have to face problems in this world because we find others deviating from the path they believe correct. It is not the religion to blame but the bad practice people have assimilated.

All you need to do is to be patient and hopeful. Although I recognise the importance of socialising in one's life, I would not suggest that it should be done at the expense of one's morality and ethics. You are allowed to join any company but you need to be sure that they are good people, who would not cause you to leave the path of God. Just like your father was able to find a good wife, so would you. Pray to the Lord that He may help you in this matter and in other problem you face. For more discussion, please post this message in the General Discussion Forum.

Jhangeer Hanif
Moderator

PAKISTAN Posted - Monday, August 01, 2005 - 5:22 AM
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