A Glimpse of My Life from Smart Alec to Allah’s Slave
Since the day I reverted to Islam, people have been frequently asking me “how did I change all of a sudden?”
To be straight forward when one of my relatives asked me this very same question I was completely blank! (I had so much to tell but I didn’t seem to find the right words).
I was born (May, 1985) in a family which in today’s world you’ll call “Moderate Muslims”. Apart from performing a few religious rituals, everyone was fully engaged in the so-called norms of the society.
I have three sisters and a brother (i.e. my sis , my sis , my bro , ME and my sis). My primary schooling was done in a co-ed (one of the worst experiences). Since my childhood, I always yearned to be accepted by my peers and to dominate. I even got what I always urged for but that too didn’t bring much merriment. On the contrary, I was confronted with much pain and troublesome situations and that too at fairly young age.
Because of all my short-comings and stubborn kind of attitude, I unwontedly fell into evil things (don’t have much guts to put them in words). But Alhumdullilah Allah didn’t prolong my rope and I soon realized my mistake and asked for His forgiveness.
But unfortunately, that wasn’t the end. There were a bundle of things which required to be put into order.
Though I used to say my prayers quite often but I had no idea what these words meant. The only thing that was in my mind was - I should pray because my father told me to do so and that I used to see my family members praying.
I was pretty much into dancing, watching movies, listening to songs (so much so that I used to go to sleep with songs going on in my background and used to listen to them all day long. I really used to feel crazy about Boyzone, BSB,Bryan Adams, N’Sync, Ricky Martin and the list goes on - like many other teenagers. I never thought about my life without music), reading grubby novels of Sydney Sheldon etc.
Anyways my life kept going - on the same pace but there used to be moments in my life when I used to go behind the bathroom door or used to put my face under a pillow at late hours of night and used to cry like a baby thinking about my hollow and void life. I had everything – loving parents, compassionate siblings, caring relatives, affectionate friends, success and a lot more but sometimes when it all proved too much, I felt something amiss in my overcrowded life and a general absence of inner peace and contentment. This emptiness cried out for something more than what this material world had to offer, something from where my roots lay – my beginning and my ultimate end - my Creator! Allah says in the Quran “And be not like those who forgot Allah and He caused them to forget their own selves”. [Hashr: 19]. The same was the case with me. I was least concerned about the life of the hereafter and was a strong believer of “Live for Today”- “Have fun!”
When I was 12 (in year 1997), I got an internet connection and I like many other internet users started my internet life by chatting with anonymous people – talking imprudent, wasting my time and my parent’s money too. Internet came to my living as another wicked technology.
But at the end of year 2000, one of our cousins told us about an Islamic fatwa site (i.e. www.askimam.com). I surfed through that site and found it appealing as I never thought of anything like that on the internet (particularly). That was the first site in my journey towards the light. There were a lot of questions regarding different issues on that site. What I was most concerned about were the questions regarding music and hijaab. I always used to swindle myself by not reading the fatwas given on these issues and used to answer the questions the way I wanted things to be. But one day I decided to Just read what this site had to say about these issues. And as I started going through those questions I was absolutely stunned! My heart screamed “Yeah, that’s the truth!-That’s the way it should be”. It simply slapped the truth on my face!
It was in the Ramadan of 2000, that my teen life took an absolute U-turn. What I mean is a total spiritual and mental awakening and discovery of myself and the purpose of my life. I owe unlimited thanks to Allah. That was the day when I quit listening to music etc. and started wearing hijaab for the first time on Eid-ul-Fitr 2001. Then there was no looking back!
I joined weekly study circle (learning Tajweed, reading and discussing Translation of Quran, Sahih Hadith, Life of The Companions of The Prophet(saw) and listening to breathtaking recitation of Qari) conducted by one of Al-Huda’s (an Islamic Institution) brilliant students and then I did Daura-e-Quran in Ramadan 2002 (from Al-Huda). Every day, Noor (our lecturer) used to take us on a mind journey into the Quran and to the universe beyond, helping us realize the beautiful compatibility between Allah's Word and His Deen. In both, there are incalculable ayahs (signs) for us to ponder upon. We felt the ayahs touching the very cores of our hearts and our inner most feelings. The Quran is for us. It talks to each one of us individually. Every day, it used to give each one of us a message. So many people like me had related incredulously that they came to Daura-e-Quran with a certain query or anxiety in their mind and the Quran answered it inexplicably the very same day. There were small miracles strengthening our faith daily. Many a times the verses in the Quran coincide with something happening before us at that very moment. The Quran is a miracle in every sense of the word. No one had returned completely empty-handed or impassive. Every day used to bring a new anticipation for us. What new thing would the Quran
tell us today? We feel like it was being revealed to us then.
May Allah make our hearts steadfast in our religion and give us taufeeq to recognize the right and straight path which will lead us to Jannah-ul-Firdows (Ameen Ya Rub).
“Verily, Allah will not change the condition of a people as long as they do not change their state themselves”. [Ra’d:11]